Day 6: The Joys of Camping

A campsite at the Iverhuron Prov. Park

Image via Wikipedia

Happy Labor Day! (Today is also National Read A Book Day — that works, eh?)

Thought it might be appropriate to send you the following article written by my mom since this weekend was the last official holiday weekend of the summer. Many of you probably hit the road with the mobile home and the boat, or  roughed it in the tent. So without further ado, I present “The Joys of Camping.”

THE DRIVE. To reach just the right spot will probably take you about 9 hours. When you finally arrive, you will be tired, hungry, irritable, hot, and sweaty – but GEE! Ready for camping!

THE SET UP. As set-up begins, tempers flare and flying insects hone in on you. (I believe tents were developed by chiropractors, since standing erect in one is not an option.) Once settled (many hours later), your entree will undoubtedly consist of either raw or burnt hamburgers, pork ‘n’ beans straight from the can, and a cold drink which will be warm because — someone forgot the ice. Don’t forget to locate the “bathroom facilities” and then remind yourself, you wanted to do this . . .

LIGHTS OUT! When you first hear the strange and yet somehow familiar buzzing sounds, you realize someone forgot the mosquito repellent. It was apparently omitted from the same list the ice should have been on. (Henceforth, THE LIST shall be SACRED.) Not to worry. Just pull the warm, sweaty-damp sheet over your head and hope for the best — that one of the monsters will carry you away and drop you off at home. Sweet dreams!

AH, CAMP FIRE BREAKFAST! Bacon and eggs, flapjacks, hash browns. Yum! Of course you’re still trying to catch up on the sleep you lost battling the blood-sucking beasties. And as the billowing black smoke engulfs your 3×5 living quarters, you frantically search your memory for any sight of 1) a fire station or 2) a Medivac service.

THE DAY AHEAD. You could impale a slimy, squirming helpless worm on a fish hook. You could go hiking but it would have to be in your tennies since no one told you to bring heavy combat boots. Or you could be a dud and stay at the campsite dreaming of home. But that would defeat the purpose of this glorious family outing. After all, you’re in the great outdoors! This is camping! This is a vacation! You’re beginning to count the days until you can pack up and get out. But don’t forget — you wanted to do this.

Mom was a trooper on the camping trips we all “enjoyed” as a family. But now that we’re grown, she’s fessed up that her ideal camp site was always a 4-Star Hotel with all the amenities – and no mosquitoes. Celebrate the day your way! C

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